I wanted to get a head start on this blog that I’m
thinking about writing when I am married. It’s just burning in my heart so I
will get a head start on it; plus I want to help all my single ladies out there
on the subject of singlehood and waiting.
As you probably have concluded, I am not married yet. I am a single woman and happy about it. But it wasn't always
this way. I used to say to God, “Lord, where in the world is he?!” I remember
being so frustrated because the clock was ticking and my train was leaving
(whatever that means!). So big was my
frustration that I even went as far as thinking that God didn't love me or had
forgotten about me. I was overwhelmed at the thought that God wasn't listening
to me, that He didn't care enough to give me what I wanted, plus the
frustration I felt for even feeling I needed something when God should have been
more than enough. But on this journey,
which I am still on, God has spoken to me about certain things that have
steadied my heart and have brought so much peace to my soul.
The first thing I have learned is to know that God loves
me and to never question it. The moment we begin to think God doesn't care
about that area in our lives is the moment we've forgotten who He is. It is a
diabolical strategy; its main purpose is to get us away from our beloved
Savior. God loves you, no matter what.
Let not what you do not have determine how you see God. God knows, He knows! He
hasn't forgotten! He never forgets! He's just too good to forget! :)
Secondly, I learned that all the desire we have to meet
that special person is normal and the perfect thing to do with those desires is
give them to God. Elisabeth Elliot said, "If the yearnings went away, what
would we have to offer up to the Lord? [...] How would we learn to submit to
the authority of Christ if we had nothing to submit?" What we do with
those feelings is we surrender them to the Lord. When our desires are in the hands of God,
they are under the control of the Spirit, where He can lead us to do His
beautiful and perfect will.
I also learned not to initiate anything but to wait upon
the Lord. I think there is a hopeless
romantic in each one of us. We want to meet our Prince Charming and have the
perfect fairy tale. And because we are so eager to have this story start in our
lives we begin to DO things so we can start our own story. Since God is taking
His time, we assume He needs a little help from us. So we begin to do things.
We begin texting someone that has caught our eye, or we approach them, or we
"accidentally" bump into them, but the problem is that we try to
"help" the guy notice us! But wait a minute, if this was the guy for
you, shouldn't he be noticing you from the get go or approaching you without any
help from you!? If you have to "help" the guy, the reality is that he
doesn't really like you. And that's just
fine! You deserve a guy who will make the effort to approach you. :D Yes! Yes
you do! And when he does, feel free to respond and choose as the Lord leads
you.
Lastly, I learned to be careful with creating false
hopes. Our minds can create unreasonable
expectations and imagine what is not there. A guy may approach us just for
friendship, but because we are so eager to see our fairy tale come true, our
minds are already imagining the guy at the altar! Unbeknownst to the guy, we
are already seeing ourselves in our wedding gown, with our hand wrapped around
his arm! Unfortunately we end up disappointed when we see that it didn't work
out. Of course it didn't work out! All this time we had been expecting
something that our minds created when we should have based our expectations on
reality. As Elisabeth Elliot puts it, "Don't expect anything until the
declaration is clear and forthright." In other words, do not have any
expectations until he has expressed and shown his commitment to you. And if you
are a guy and you're reading this, if you don't like a girl, don't give her
false hopes! If a girl is starting to fall for you, and you don't like her like
that, make sure you don't feed her false expectations! Come on guys!!!! Don't
be cruel! (And all the ladies said AMEN!).
I will finish writing this blog when I have met my Prince
Charming (It will be part 2!) :) But I didn't want to wait
until then to show you the things I am learning now as a single woman. The same
points I have mentioned also apply to all the single guys out there. So to all
my single friends, (1) God loves you and cares about that area of your life, never doubt it!, (2) Surrender your feelings to Him, (3) Know your
role as the one who makes the first move (men) or the one who responds (women),
and (4) Be careful with false and unreasonable expectations.
With love,
KT
Another good reminder. Thank you.
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